Before we go any further, here is an essential reminder: Your most important goal or resolution for the New Year should be to reclaim and/or maintain your sobriety. That is the goal that makes all your other goals possible. With that said, we want to reflect on the tradition of setting New Year’s resolutions.
As one year ends and another begins, many of us feel a lot of pressure to set an ambitious resolution—or set of resolutions—that we hope going forward will make us a better person or a happier person or what have you.
In some ways, that is a pretty good idea. After all, we have been quite clear in previous blog posts that setting achievable goals is an important part of the recovery process. But the goals we call “New Year’s resolutions” do not always set a person up for success. As a result, these resolutions can actually pose a danger to your sobriety if you find yourself unable to live up to them as the new year gets underway.
We would argue that this danger stems from two frequent features of resolutions: First, they often come with too much pressure attached. And second, they often come with too little planning undertaken.
Let’s look at both potential problems.
We Put an Awful Lot of Pressure on Ourselves
The New Year’s resolution almost feels compulsory, doesn’t it? People will ask you what your resolution for the year is or they will go on and on about their own resolutions. As the weeks go by, you might start to notice that people have already abandoned their supposedly firm resolutions—and if you set one or more yourself, you might be tempted to abandon yours, too.
But giving up on a resolution—no matter what it is—can feel a lot like failure. And a feeling of failure can start to undermine the self-confidence and self-kindness that underpin your sobriety.
If you feel as though you have failed when it comes to your New Year’s commitments, you might start to wonder if you are capable of maintaining any of your major commitments—including your determination to stay sober over time. That crack in your confidence can be enough to send you in a negative direction.
The trap here is the increased pressure we tend to put on ourselves around New Year’s resolutions. They feel important because they are associated with a new year—which can feel as though it should represent a new start. The trick to avoiding the trap is to remember that the calendar—no matter what time of year it might be—is not the arbiter of when you can make progress toward goals. You do not have to feel pressured to make resolutions; you do not have to feel like a failure if your resolution falls by the wayside.
We Need to Put the Planning in to Make a Goal Useful
As we have noted, New Year’s resolutions tend to be ambitious in scope. You promise yourself you will lose weight or exercise each day or will be less sarcastic when talking with your coworkers.
None of those are bad goals in and of themselves. Eating healthily supports your sobriety, after all. So does regular exercise. And a little less sarcasm and a little more kindness is good for those around you—and for you, too.
Problems arise, however, when we make a resolution that has no foundation. It is not enough to just declare you will do something—no matter how potentially beneficial that thing may be. It is far more helpful to think clearly about small steps you can take that will help you move forward toward your larger goal.
Take weight loss, for example. That can be tough sledding for just about anyone. But deciding to replace one sugary snack a day with something healthier is a great and sustainable way to get started. And if you forget one day (or simply choose the sugary snack because it sounds delicious), you can get back on track the next. Similarly, it is going to be difficult to maintain an exercise routine if you do not seek out an activity or two that you truly enjoy. And as for less sarcasm and more kindness? Well, that is something that can be quite difficult, indeed, so having a plan for how to deal with your sarcastic tendencies is probably in order.
You Don’t Have to Make a Resolution About Resolutions
We want to be clear here: We do not mean to suggest that a New Year’s resolution is a bad thing by definition. Instead, we want to remind you to avoid putting undue pressure on yourself and to take small steps toward big goals. And we want to suggest that that calendar does not need to determine when you try to make changes for the better. You get to decide that for yourself.
As Always, We Are Here to Help
You can count on The Aviary Recovery Center to provide individualized treatment for substance use disorders and co-occurring mental health disorders. Located near St. Louis, Missouri, and recognized as one of the top recovery centers in the nation, The Aviary is always ready to help you reclaim and maintain your sobriety.
