No matter what sort of relationships you have with the various members of your immediate and extended family, there is no denying that family conversations can lead to tricky moments. That is true whether your relationships are warm or frosty—and odds are you have some of each.
When we think about things that can be hard to talk about with family, a few things quickly come to mind. Politics. Religion. Significant others. Old resentments and rivalries. You may be able to identify several more of these tricky topics in your own life.
If you are a person in recovery from a substance use disorder, you will likely discover that this is another topic that can be difficult to navigate in family conversations. While some family members will likely respect your privacy and be consistently supportive, there is a good chance that others will ask for more information. Others might want to offer advice—even if they have no real knowledge about substance use disorders, their treatment, or the recovery journey.
What should you do when the topic of your recovery comes up? That is, of course, up to you. Let’s take a look at a few of your options by considering three questions you might think through in advance of any interaction with family members.
What Are You Willing to Talk About?
Members of your family likely have all kinds of questions they would like to ask you about what you have been through. Generally, that curiosity will be genuine and meant kindly, but that does not mean you have to answer each and every question.
Maybe you are willing to describe the facility where you got treatment. Maybe you are willing to talk about how much better you feel now that you are in recovery. Maybe you are willing to discuss an idea or two that you learned in therapy that seem to be working for you now. You might be able to think of several things you are willing to talk about when questions come up.
Knowing in advance what those things are can help you handle questions comfortably and calmly.
What Are Your Firm Boundaries?
Here is the flip side of the first question. What are you unwilling to talk about—and how will you politely but firmly establish your boundaries? This, too, is worth thinking about well in advance so that you have a plan in place.
This sort of situation can, of course, be a challenge. Family members, in particular, can feel like they are entitled to information about you—even personal details related to your substance use disorder. Knowing what you might say in those situations can be a great help and can keep the temperature of an interaction low. Something simple like, “Thanks for asking. That’s a topic I don’t really discuss. Thanks for understanding.”
That should be enough for most people, but you might have a relative or two who has trouble taking a hint—even when the hint is extremely clear. In those cases, you might have to just walk away. That can be uncomfortable, but it is better than talking about things you do not want to talk about with someone who simply does not need to know the details of your life.
How Will You Handle Unsolicited Advice?
Some folks won’t have questions. They’ll have advice. And generally speaking, it won’t be very good advice.
Some of these relatives might try to argue that you would never have been struggling with drugs or alcohol in the first place if only you had more willpower or character, or faith. That is neither true nor helpful. Your relatives might also have thoughts about alternative treatments or which recovery program you should try, and so on.
You can, of course, let your well-meaning relative say what they have to say—as long as you remember that you already have a recovery plan based on best practices. You can also stop the flow of advice with a polite word about how you are working your plan. In some cases, as when someone goes beyond your boundaries in a conversation, you may simply have to excuse yourself from the situation.
We Can Help You Reclaim Your Life
Located near St. Louis, Missouri, The Aviary Recovery Center is consistently recognized as one of the top substance use disorder treatment centers in the nation. That honor reflects our high levels of expertise, our years of experience, and our commitment to both evidence-based practices and an empathetic ethos of care. To put it more succinctly, we are ready and able to help you leave drugs or alcohol behind so you can reclaim your life.
The first step, of course, is up to you. The best time to get treatment for a substance use disorder is always right now—and when you take that first step, we will see you through medically supervised detoxification and a robust rehabilitation program (during which we can also address any co-occurring mental health disorders you may be dealing with). When your time in treatment comes to an end, we will continue to offer resources and support via our alumni program. Let’s get started.
